Is it wrong to wish for something (seemingly) larger than yourself?
For as long as I can remember, I always wished for a different life than the one that I found myself living at any particular moment. I’m not unique in this manner, I am sure. How many of us are dissatisfied with our lives, or even ourselves? So I would dream for the impossible, the unattainable, the larger-than-life dreams that I keep only to myself. Because, at the very least, I can believe (lie to myself?) that I was worth it all.
But, I found that it gets dangerous when I let my dreams, my wishes run away from me. The lines between reality and imagination start to blur and I end up being disappointed in how things turn out. I break my own heart.
Even worse, I start to take inventory on all the reasons WHY I do not have the life I want. I know some things are out of my control, since I am not in any kind of life situation that would lead to some specific dreams (for example, being married to a famous actor). But other circumstances within my realm of control–that is where I get myself in trouble. That is when I start to doubt myself and my self-worth. That is where I start to hate myself.
Is it wrong to wish for something larger than myself, if wishing in such a way leads to the inevitable destruction of some piece of me?
I know the answer is “Yes.” But, I still live in denial of it all.