As a general rule, I don’t regret many of the impulsive choices I’ve made in my life (save for one or two). I made the decision to move to Los Angeles based off one phone conversation with Ipsa*. After one lecture of AsianAm studies, I decided to go to law school. Both choices, made immediately and whole heartedly, led to great consequences – life changing in fact – and I’ve never looked back.
Granted, there are a few impulsive decisions that make me cringe: like trying to ride a bike with no hands or feet. Or July 4th, 1999. But, regardless of how many scars resulted, I never regretted it. Probably because I have the belief that every choice made along the way led to who I am now and who I am meant to be. How can I regret that?
Still, I wonder – why don’t I give more thought into the “life-altering” decisions? Or even to the small decisions that pepper my daily life? The logical side of me says that such behavior is reckless. Maybe even a little selfish. When it comes down to a choice that’s fun or easy against responsible and thought-out, I go with the fun or easy. Study or watch The Dresden Files? Guess which wins out. I’m fully prepared to deal with the consequences – like the less than stellar grades I receive – because I have to. But, I know it’s only a matter of time before it all catches up with me and knocks me down for a long time.
Then there are the decisions I never make: allowing them to just pass me by and I shrug it off as “not meant to be.” But in truth, I just never take the time to think about things and how actually making a choice will be good or bad for me. I just wait long enough until I don’t have to make the decision.
I’ve just finished my second year of law school, and apparently I am the only one who doesn’t feel the pressure of finding a summer job (“for the experience”). Although I do still have my research position, it’s not enough to get my foot in the door after I graduate, or so I’m told. It’s not that I don’t want a great job after school; it’s more of the nagging feeling that I don’t want to work 60 hour weeks, letting life pass by. I love learning about the law; I don’t know if I can live in that world for the rest of my life.
Or maybe, I just don’t want to “grow up” and take on actual responsibility. I’m comfortable in this cocoon and maybe my decisions are based on the underlying desire to remain in it.
I don’t know for sure. All I do know – no matter what’s in the chamber, I won’t regret the decision.