This year has been filled with so many blessings that I don’t really know where to start. My friends and family have been wonderful and supportive. I love my job that was graciously bestowed upon me. It’s been great to finally reconnect with those who had to suffer me while in law school.

But most of all, I’ve come to terms with a lot of what I held inside. And I just let it go. Life is too short and too awesome to spend it thinking about things that don’t really matter in the greater scheme of things.

So, I’ll continue not wanting so much and being gracious for what I have. And be gracious of myself — giving more than taking. I turned out okay and I will be alright — for this, I am confident.

Happy birthday, me.

I understand that NBC is a private company and it can choose to omit anything it wants.  The First Amendment allows NBC to go against the U.S. Code for this limited purpose.  However, I do not fault anyone for saying something about that omission, as I would be wholly offended if NBC decided to picture the Star Spangled Banner upside-down or fallen to the ground.  This is not about religion so much as respect and actual love of country.

Whether one likes it or not, religion – more specifically Christianity – was a keystone in the building of the United States.*  We learn from American History, Day 1, that the Puritans and pilgrims came to the New World to escape religious persecution and to practice their religion in peace.  By the American Revolution, the government of the colonies supported the Church and “official” state religions were still around until the mid-1800s. The religious overtones and under-currents of the United States are part of our history.  Not to be ignored or forgotten, but praised and revered.  If it were not for the courageous men and women who fought for their right to believe and practice as they pleased, we would not be having this discussion at all.  Think about it – if we lost the American Revolution, we would be essentially dealing with the Church of England, like, you know, Canada.   We are doing a disservice by not acknowledging that (1) this country was founded with religion in mind, and (2) most people here are still religious!

I am not saying anything that hasn’t been said before.  But riddle me this…

Nearly 23 million Americans watched the royal wedding of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on 11 networks, including NBC.  The ceremony included hymns, prayers, sermons, Bible readings, and (oh, look) more prayers.  I, certainly, felt like I was watching a church service – because it was.  Broadcasting this, obviously, was not a worry for NBC.

“But that’s different” says some hypothetical other person that is not merely a voice in my head to further this post, “That is another country; we’re not concerned about their religion.  Here in the U.S. of A, we have separation of church and state.”  To which, inevitably, I reply: “So, what you’re saying is context matters.”  It’s okay if religion happens in the context of happening somewhere else, just not here.  So NBC can muster enough tolerance to air a religious ceremony of a future monarch (whose power, as they say, stems from God!) of a country we broke away from on this very issue, but not enough to tolerate two words of codified U.S. law and purposefully editing it out.

My first reaction upon hearing about NBC’s omission wasn’t offense, more just an eye-roll.  What bothers me, in a there’s-something-stuck-between-my-teeth way, is the distancing away from our history and national identity, all because someone does not want to hear the word “God.”  Well, tough.  I rather hear all words of all religions in tongues in a cacophony of worship than to hear none at all, because it means that my inalienable rights are still in effect.  And so are yours.

* There are many, many, many, many books and analyses regarding the religious beliefs of the individual Founding Fathers.  Though influential, the beliefs of Thomas Jefferson and James Madison did not enact the Constitution – the legislatures of the States were in charge of that.

I feel as queasy about this flexing of Palinite muscle as I do about the original, disgusting, asinine story. In some ways, I see a legitimate come-uppance for a tacky site that published a simply inexcusable piece of mean-spirited dreck using a child who cannot defend himself, treating him as if he were subhuman, which he most definitely isn’t. But I also recoil from mob action like this, for the impact it has on fearless free speech and the chilling effect it will have on an already cowed and defensive MSM when covering the truly tough stuff about Palin. (emphasis added)

Sullivan uses “free speech” and “chilling effect” — like it applies in this situation.

Everyone is aware that the First Amendment of the United States Constitution protects free speech from government intervention.  That’s all it does.  It tells the government to keep its nose out of our speech, except for limited contexts.   When the government says, “We don’t like this kind of speech,” it causes a chilling effect; essentially, people are less likely to engage in the government-disapproved speech because they don’t want the government breathing down their necks.  Again, this is where the First Amendment comes in to prevent the government preferences from effecting our speech.

When it comes to non-government “chilling effects” — that’s another story.  Private individuals/entities can shut down speech without much question.  If you violate the Terms & Conditions of Twitter, Twitter has every right to ban you.  If you lodge a protest inside a McDonalds, the manager can kick you out without violating any laws since you’re the one trespassing.

And when people speak out against a disgusting blog post which characterizes a child with Downs syndrome as subhuman, the blogger is lucky that his backside wasn’t thoroughly kicked to China.  Damn right the reaction was a chilling effect, because we should not tolerate that kind of speech in our society.  It lacks human decency and dignity; we can be better than THAT. **

Case law on free speech champion the “marketplace of ideas” — the government is not to stop speech, it is to allow undesirable speech to be drowned out by more speech.  Let the market decide.  When a business fails to provide a good service, it goes out of business.  When someone says something completely moronic and meritless, they are stymied by the reaction.

Yes, Andrew Sullivan — speech by private individuals can be chilled by other private individuals and it’s OK!

** This Wonkette blog post has been deleted by the editor of the site.  What it spurred, however, has led to great conversations with and writings by those who I am honored to call friends.  Check out Kellie Jane’s Open Letter to the blog’s author (with the author’s reply) and Kurt Schlichter’s “what-we-are-all-thinking” post.

President Obama’s energy plan includes encouraging Americans to buy more fuel-efficient (e.g. hybrid) vehicles.  That’s great and all, disregarding the price of such cars and replacement parts.  But it’s the way the President presents this plan that gets to me.  For example, how he reacts to an audience member at this town meeting (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1JtIY0K_cY).  He laughs it off and replies with how this guy with 10 kids should get a hybrid SUV (again, disregarding the price tag).

But that’s not what really bothers me.

It was the President’s recent Los Angeles trip that got me to actually write this post.  President Obama was in town to go to three fundraising events. (Anyone else find it annoying that our taxes are going to fundraising events?  But I digress.)

How is this for fuel-efficiency:  President Obama flew to Los Angeles from San Francisco. Okay, not bad — we all fly.  But then you factor in the planes used to transport the President’s motorcade, the press plane, and any other plane that the advance team uses, and well, it’s a bit more complicated than your everyday Southwest flight from San Francisco to LAX.

Next, you have the helicopter that flew the President from LAX to West Los Angeles – about 12 miles, give or take.  But then you also have the other helicopters that fly with Marine One in its shell-game operation.  Plus, the news helicopters, the police helicopters, and the helicopters that scouted the President’s routes about a week before.  So, more fuel (and tax dollars).

From West Los Angeles, the President double-backed south to Culver City, this time in his motorcade … of 45 vehicles.  For security, I am also going to factor in all the local police vehicles for extra patrols and the closing of roads, etc.  And I tell you, most of those vehicles, totally  not hybrid anything.

Finally, we come to the gas that just burned in all those cars of people stuck in traffic on the West Side.  Granted, this trip wasn’t as horrible as the President’s last trip in terms of gridlock.  With gas at an average of $4.20/gallon in Los Angeles, I doubt people were happy about the extra commute time (or maybe they didn’t commute at all to avoid it completely; for those not on salary, well that’s just money lost instead of carbon emissions).

As a conservative, yes I am annoyed.  Because all of that above was for fundraising.

Yes, all of that was necessary for the President to do (keep) his job (for the DNC).  But it’s also necessary for a lot of people to keep their fuel “inefficient” cars to do their jobs and take care of their families.  So, my response to the President (and all those in his defense), get a hybrid plane.  Or a teleporter, it’s more fuel-efficient.

Bill Maher aired an eleven-year-old clip of Christine O’Donnell, the GOP candidate for a Senate seat in Delaware, in which O’Donnell said she dabbled in witchcraft. Apparently this was part of a blackmail scheme to have the candidate appear on Maher’s show.

The Free Exercise Clause of the First Amendment protects everyone’s right to practice their chosen religion.  Understanding this basic concept, I do not disrespect or judge the religions and beliefs of others.  In fact, realizing that I was protected by this clause, I looked into many religions to find what worked for me outside of Christianity.  This includes witchcraft, Buddhism, Taoism, and atheism.  My relationship with God, now, is stronger because of my ability to choose my beliefs. So, again, I don’t understand why O’Donnell’s “dabbling” is an issue.  What’s her position on health care reform? What will she do in the Senate, if elected?  Heck, why do I care about the Delaware Senate seat?

But apparently witchcraft is a “big” issue, at least from what I’ve observed these last few days.

When you search the term “witchcraft” on CBS News, the first page of results is filled with Christine O’Donnell. When you search for “Wellesley Middle School”, “field trip mosque”, or “Islamic Society of Boston Cultural Center”, you get stories about the mosque controversy in New York.  Better yet, when you search “Christine O’Donnell witchcraft” on Google, you get more results than “Massachussetts field trip mosque”.

You’re probably asking yourself right now, “Why do you care about a field trip?  Heck, why would I care?”  Because that field trip was the worst violation of the First Amendment I’ve seen in a long time.

What happened: a group of public school kids take a field trip to a mosque, as part of a lesson about world religions; several boys on the trip participated in prayer.  No one stopped it.  (Where was the teacher?!)  This happened in May.  The superintendent of the school district apologized in September, AFTER video of the service was made public.

This is why I feel most arguments I’ve heard about “separation of church and state” and free exercise of religion are cosmetic; people are “fighting” for it wrong.  What happened on that field trip is the very thing that the First Amendment is designed to prevent, isn’t it?  Isn’t that the argument for separation of church and state?

Where is the outcry over this field trip?  Where is the ACLU?  Where are all the people who argued that “under God” should be taken out of the Pledge of Allegiance?  Where is the President?  Oh right, he’s off editing the Declaration of Independence.

Teacher-led prayer is no longer allowed in the classroom.  A “moment of prayer” law is unconstitutional because it establishes religion.  A non-denomination, non-religion specific prayer can no longer start a high school graduation ceremony.  But kids kneeling and praying during a school-sponsored field trip, that’s okay.

I was thinking about writing a contemplative post about what it was like taking this test, how I’m a better person because of it, et cetera.  But really, it was three days of law.  The first day was meh. The second day was better. The third day was good.  There were moments where I doubted myself, where I beat myself up for missing a few issues, where I would avoid thinking about it all together.  A few of my friends would talk around me, doing the same thing.  It would make me feel both better and worse.

It really is just one big psychological war game.

For two months, you’re studying, trying to cram 3 years of courses into your brain, trying to master the essays, the multiple choice, and the performance tests.  For the few weeks leading up to it, you’re anxious, scared, and on edge.  You repeat to yourself, “This is my future. If I fail, then OMGWTFBBQ!”  You chastise yourself for not studying every single waking moment of every single day.  For the week before, you’re going over each and every outline, trying to pick up the minute rules that may tip the scales in your favor.  For the night before, you try to keep the advice of not studying but fail miserably.

Then, you’re just there.  And you just mind-dump everything on the paper because, seriously, you just can’t take it anymore. (At least, that was me on the first day.)

One big psychological war game.  One that I think you can’t really prepare for, nor accurately describe to others.

I got my badge. And we’ll see in November if I was good enough.

Here it is:

I understand the sentiment. Three days ago, I said that I was afraid of letting people down. That stems from the fact that everyone does tell me I’m going to pass and if I don’t, then well, hello awkward conversation.

But I get it. We all need a chance to freak out and panic without more pressure plopped on us from the “you won’t fail” responses.

It’s comforting to know that I am not the only one panicking. Also a bit enlightening. In a “So that’s what I’m like” way.

I’ve tried to keep the crazy to a minimum, albeit I sometimes fail. Kay has been great about dealing with it all. Hopefully I’ve been better about expressly how much I appreciate the support of my friends, regardless of whatever imaginary pressure I place on my self, imputed to others.

(What? Where am I going with this? Oh right.)

I have given up worrying about whether I pass or fail because it is not my job to decide if I do. Whoever grades my exam gets to have that honor.

So what am I going to do? For the next six days, I’m going to do my darnedest to prepare and get my act together. Because I figure, whatever result I get in November is directly caused by what I do in the next 10 days. Seriously, what I deserve is what I get.

“There is no such thing as luck. There is only adequate or inadequate preparation to cope with a statistical universe.” – Robert Heinlein.

I’m done panicking.

Today, I took a practice performance test because I am aware that it is my weakest out of the three types of test I’ll be facing. I’ve heard horror stories about people failing the entire test because of this section. Now, I am caught between not worrying about failing and completely resigning myself to it. This equals a lot of frustration.

I was doing fine a couple days ago. I was so sure that I would be able to do this. But the fact that I freeze up whenever I am facing a performance test, it is disheartening.

So what are my options? In this type of situation, I usually try to avoid whatever bothers me until it goes away. That, obviously, won’t work in this situation. More practice? Only downside about that is a performance test requires three hours to do. Pressed for time, I won’t be able to practice too much. I still have substantive law to worry about. Also, basic essay writing.

In the back of my mind, I still have that nagging fear of failing. Remembering all the tests I have taken that have been the gateways to the next phase of my life (driving test, SATs, LSATs), I’ve always had to take them twice. I don’t want that to happen this time, but I’m afraid that it may just be in my nature.

And I’m afraid of letting people down. Although logically, I know that this test is for me, and that my friends and family won’t be disappointed. But illogically, the fear is still there and it matters to me.

I have less than nine days. And I feel disheartened. I know I can do this, it’s just … I needed to say this out loud without people trying to pep talk me.

First introduced to the American public in 1937 as “HORMEL Spiced Ham”, SPAM has survived the Great Depression, World War II, the psychedelic turbulence of the 60’s, and the hair metal bands of the 80’s.  Since then, SPAM has gone global.

SPAM Luncheon Meat has been a fixture in my diet for as long as I can remember.  SPAM with rice, in soups, the occasional salad when I’m dieting, California rolls, and whatever else I can think of at the time.  And I cannot forget my discovery of SPAM musubi while I lived in Hawaii.  Made of simply of rice, seaweed wrap, and a fried slice of SPAM, it is an ode to THE MEAT.

You may be asking yourself, “What’s with the love?”  The answer is simple:  SPAM is getting a bad reputation.  I am here to defend it.  Sure, it’s mystery meat.  Yes, there is that gelatin that coats it.  And it really has no nutritional value.  But, it has its good qualities.  It’s easy to prepare, can replace meat in any recipe, portable, and cheap.  On a college budget and the raise in tuition, how else can you survive?

Some of you know what I am talking about.  Those of you who go to the grocery store and sneak that can of SPAM into the cart, or those who cannot walk past the monument of SPAM in an Asian market without paying homage.  There is a reason why Hawaii and some Asian countries have the highest consumption of SPAM in the world.  Some even consider it a delicacy.

I can remember so many mornings, the smell of SPAM traveling into my room and awakening me from deep slumber.  I would go into the kitchen and watch my mother fry up my breakfast, and then she would send me off to school with my SPAM California roll.  SPAM is a link to my past; it is a part of me.

SPAM is also a part of your identity.  Do not deny it any longer!

I am here to beg you all to let go of your inhibitions, go against the norm, and declare your love for SPAM.  Put on your SPAM memorabilia, visit the SPAM museum in Austin, Minn., learn the history at SPAM.com, join the fan club, walk down the sidewalk carrying SPAM on a fork, or simply open a can, fry up a few slices, and enjoy your delicious meal.  Whatever you do, do it true to SPAM.

In conclusion, quoting the great and fantastic band Save Ferris, “Forget your O-S-C-A-R. There’s one meat by-product that’s best by far.  It’s S-P-A-M!”