Not the Angel I’m Looking For

The summer’s getting away from me.  I had so many plans – conjured in the midst of the final days of my first year – that have been added to the cache of things-to-do-but-probably-won’t-get-done.  The screenplay may be put on the back burner for now.

I blame two things; one of them being jury duty.  And yes, I do have excuses for everything instead of just accepting the responsibility.

& — //

Lady L* and I were having a conversation about my lack of motivation when it comes to things I want to change about myself.  She relayed that it’s difficult to listen to me complain about my situation and not help.  I understand her position, but I tried to explain that this is a decision that I have to make (again) for myself. A couple of years ago, I took the initiative and changed something that has been haunting me for the past ten years of my life.  It took a lot of work, but I found myself in a situation where I was confident and proud of my accomplishments.  Fast forward two years and I am exactly where I started.

Now, I have to make the choice again and not let myself back-peddle.  That’s the hardest thing.  I not only need to find the determination to go through it all again, but I need to change parts of my actual being to make sure the accomplishments stick.

& — // 

“one too many drinks tonight and i miss you like you were mine”

I spent the last few weeks drifting away from the road that I found myself on after school ended.  It seems like once again, I took a detour and got lost.   Not that I am at all surprised.  I take the same exit over and over again, hoping that this new road will lead to where I need to be rather than just another dead-end.  (Metaphor much?)

The distraction was time-consuming; I put my life on hold because of it.  And I came out a little worse for wear – mostly due to the fact that I let it kill my self-esteem and I’m still trying to build that back up.

This was a simple lesson of not letting my imagination run away with me and to not let things easily distract me from what I need to do.