Happy Half-Birthday to Me

Today seemed like the perfect day for starting all the things that I have been avoiding for the past few months.  After a day of cleaning, organizing, and planning, I hope to start a new routine for myself starting tomorrow.

Starting with a renewed dedication to losing weight by eating healthy and exercising.  And with my trainer tacking on another $20/week to his fee, I hope that will also inspire me to get off my butt and start making some progress again.  I am about 40 pounds away from my goal weight and would like to be somewhat close to it by the time my birthday comes around.  For two reasons: 1) it’s my birthday, and 2) I will not have the time to lose/worry about my weight while I am in law school.

I will also try to stay away from the computer for more hours out of the day.  I do realize that I am wasting time.  This is not to say that everything I do online is a waste, but I just let it consume me and I do not get things done.  I will still write and browse through the boards, but I will not sit here for hours while hitting the refresh button every five seconds, waiting for new things to pop up.

There are shelves of books that I still need to read.  A number of stories I need to write.  Food to be bought, cooked, and portioned.  And somewhere in there, friends that I need to go out with.

Nothing Tastes as Good

“Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.”

I have issues with that statement.  One, it assumes that being thin feels good.  You can be thin and feel utterly depressed.  Two, it equates eating something that tastes delicious with impeding in weight loss.  I dislike this statement, though I am curious to see if it’s true.

A theme of my life has been weight loss and the lack of.  At the current moment, I am gaining weight and it’s beginning to damage my calm.  Last year, I lost twenty-five pounds and I’ve gained five of those back since the beginning of January 2007.  To say that I am unhappy is an understatement.

Since August, I lost most of my motivation to lose weight.  I stopped following a healthy eating regime and would half-ass most of my workouts with my trainer.  Not to mention that I would never exercise on my own volition.  I’m lazy.  I’m also against “the easy way to lose weight” methods because they never work.  I’m stuck.

I am hoping to use this blog to find my enthusiam to lose weight once more.  It is also important that I work hard to get to my goal weight before I start law school, because I am afraid that I will lose the progress I have already made.

I should never have bought that scale when I went to Target yesterday.

Do Not Leave Unattended

I am a fan of retail therapy. The excitement surrounding new things is how I get high in life. And one of the perks of having my job is that I do not necessarily have to worry about how much I spend on things. [This will completely change once I am in law school, of course.]

Despite having to clean and organize the rest of my room after my move, I needed to get out of the apartment. I went to Borders to get some books and some coffee-type drink. Usually, I just peruse through certain sections, see if anything catches my attention, and then buy it. Sometimes I go in with a clear purpose of buying a specific book, but I always end up picking up a couple of more things. Today was no different.

I walked out of Borders with four new books that I probably do not have time to read before law school:

The Separation of Church and State: Writings on a Fundamental Freedom By America’s Founders, Forrest Church

Letters to a Young Conservative, Dinesh D’Souza

Democracy and the Constitution, Walter Burns

The Supreme Court and the Constitution: Readings in American Constitutional History, Stanley I. Kutler

Do you see a pattern? I never used to shop like this. I used to buy fiction or something entertaining and mindless. But now I find myself getting lost in the Politics or Law aisles of bookstores and actually enjoying myself.

I am at a point in my life where I am starting to reflect about what I believe in–including politics–and what more I can learn to build a strong foundation for those beliefs.  So, I am trying to find books and articles that deal with a number of issues and presents different sides, in order to understand the current discussion that goes on everyday.

To help in my search for inner-truth, I post at a message board where the political threads are a great playground.  I have access to discuss issues with people from a variety of backgrounds and perspectives and the chance to hammer out things.

Finding Some Peace

For the last couple of weeks, I began to question what I was going to do with my life. Being in my early 20s, I know that I am prone to being impatient. I became frustrated because I felt that I was stuck and could not see a way out.

During my second year of college, I decided that I wanted to go to law school After I graduated, I applied but did not get accepted to any schools (probably because I only applied to four top-tier schools and no back-ups). Since then, I have been working and re-applying.

Even though I have been procrastinating, going to law school is important to me. I think the reason I became so worried lately is due to the fact that I was unsure what I would do if I did not get accepted anywhere. I have the option of becoming an office assistant to an executive at Warner Bros. Anyone who knows anything about Hollywood will tell you that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity… but is it meant for my lifetime?

Apparently, it’s not. Why?

Because today is the day that I received my first acceptance letter in to law school. I am now at ease because I will definitely be a law school student come fall. I will admit that Loyola is not my top choice; I considered it a safety-net school. However, this gives me the permission to NOT apply to schools that are lower ranked (why waste my time and money, right?).

It’s funny how life works out sometimes.

Another Journey

I have been having a crisis of (Internet) identity lately. At some point in the last year, I stopped writing for myself–to get my thoughts out–and started writing for the approval of others. Maybe this is why my brain seems to be jumbled. I haven’t allocated enough time to think things through and over-analyze (as I am known to do).

It would be easy for me to say that “so much has happened” but I feel that is partly a lie. In fact, nothing really has changed in my life; I just moved to different interests/obsessions. And somehow, it made my life come to a screeching halt.

&—-

I came to a very important realization this week: I was not meant to go to UCLA School of Law. For the last couple of years, I thought that this was what I wanted. It was my first choice law school. But if it was so important, wouldn’t I have at least applied in a timely fashion?

As I was driving by the campus, I just did not feel a connection to it anymore. I was holding onto the past because I had such an amazing time there when I attended for my undergraduate studies, but I was a different person then.

I think I am ready for change. Nothing is keeping me in Los Angeles anymore. Maybe that is why I am so frustrated lately.