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I’m sorry about all of this.
I never meant to do it to you.
But I know no other way.
And I don’t know how not to hurt you, to prevent you hurting me.
It all doesn’t matter, really.
I don’t know if you’ll ever know.
And maybe it’s best that you shouldn’t.
For you will not learn of the tears I’ve already cried for no reason.
You won’t know that I did this tonight until you find your way here.
It wasn’t pretend before, but it’ll probably be pretend now.
I wish I knew a better way.
A way not to hurt you.
But I don’t even know if I can hurt you.
Because you have your own beauty that you seek
and I was just the distraction, as you were for me,
or so I keep telling myself.
I’ll just lie to myself once again
in order to hold myself down.