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It’s been four and a half days since I completed the California Bar Examination.  To say I haven’t done much is an understatement.  I think today was actually the first day where I went beyond a 5-mile radius from my room.  Most of the time has been spent watching seasons of The West Wing and ignoring the remnants of my studying.  I have pretty much avoided doing anything that required me to change out of my pajamas and into clothes I wear in public.

I was thinking about writing a contemplative post about what it was like taking this test, how I’m a better person because of it, et cetera.  But really, it was three days of law.  The first day was meh. The second day was better. The third day was good.  There were moments where I doubted myself, where I beat myself up for missing a few issues, where I would avoid thinking about it all together.  A few of my friends would talk around me, doing the same thing.  It would make me feel both better and worse.

It really is just one big psychological war game.

For two months, you’re studying, trying to cram 3 years of courses into your brain, trying to master the essays, the multiple choice, and the performance tests.  For the few weeks leading up to it, you’re anxious, scared, and on edge.  You repeat to yourself, “This is my future. If I fail, then OMGWTFBBQ!”  You chastise yourself for not studying every single waking moment of every single day.  For the week before, you’re going over each and every outline, trying to pick up the minute rules that may tip the scales in your favor.  For the night before, you try to keep the advice of not studying but fail miserably.

Then, you’re just there.  And you just mind-dump everything on the paper because, seriously, you just can’t take it anymore. (At least, that was me on the first day.)

One big psychological war game.  One that I think you can’t really prepare for, nor accurately describe to others.

I got my badge. And we’ll see in November if I was good enough.

While looking for blank paper to start another performance test, I happened to come across random writing to myself. It’s from a lifetime ago. Before I went to law school and in the midst of preparing to take the LSAT. I just have to laugh at the similarities.

Here it is:

There’s this blog post going around the interwebs which details one person’s frustrations in connection with the California bar exam. Many of my fellow law school friends have re-posted it, relating to it’s general message. Which is: “Don’t tell me I am going to pass.”

I understand the sentiment. Three days ago, I said that I was afraid of letting people down. That stems from the fact that everyone does tell me I’m going to pass and if I don’t, then well, hello awkward conversation.

But I get it. We all need a chance to freak out and panic without more pressure plopped on us from the “you won’t fail” responses.

It’s comforting to know that I am not the only one panicking. Also a bit enlightening. In a “So that’s what I’m like” way.

I’ve tried to keep the crazy to a minimum, albeit I sometimes fail. Kay has been great about dealing with it all. Hopefully I’ve been better about expressly how much I appreciate the support of my friends, regardless of whatever imaginary pressure I place on my self, imputed to others.

(What? Where am I going with this? Oh right.)

I have given up worrying about whether I pass or fail because it is not my job to decide if I do. Whoever grades my exam gets to have that honor.

So what am I going to do? For the next six days, I’m going to do my darnedest to prepare and get my act together. Because I figure, whatever result I get in November is directly caused by what I do in the next 10 days. Seriously, what I deserve is what I get.

“There is no such thing as luck. There is only adequate or inadequate preparation to cope with a statistical universe.” – Robert Heinlein.

I’m done panicking.

In the final lectures, we were told that our role is not to determine whether we will pass or fail the bar, but to show the minimum competency required to be a lawyer in the state of California. Ever since that impart, I’ve been trying to keep my mind off whether I am right or wrong, and concentrate on honing my skills.

Today, I took a practice performance test because I am aware that it is my weakest out of the three types of test I’ll be facing. I’ve heard horror stories about people failing the entire test because of this section. Now, I am caught between not worrying about failing and completely resigning myself to it. This equals a lot of frustration.

I was doing fine a couple days ago. I was so sure that I would be able to do this. But the fact that I freeze up whenever I am facing a performance test, it is disheartening.

So what are my options? In this type of situation, I usually try to avoid whatever bothers me until it goes away. That, obviously, won’t work in this situation. More practice? Only downside about that is a performance test requires three hours to do. Pressed for time, I won’t be able to practice too much. I still have substantive law to worry about. Also, basic essay writing.

In the back of my mind, I still have that nagging fear of failing. Remembering all the tests I have taken that have been the gateways to the next phase of my life (driving test, SATs, LSATs), I’ve always had to take them twice. I don’t want that to happen this time, but I’m afraid that it may just be in my nature.

And I’m afraid of letting people down. Although logically, I know that this test is for me, and that my friends and family won’t be disappointed. But illogically, the fear is still there and it matters to me.

I have less than nine days. And I feel disheartened. I know I can do this, it’s just … I needed to say this out loud without people trying to pep talk me.

SPAM.  No, I am not talking about the hundreds of junk email that you receive on a daily basis.  I am talking about the pink meat that comes in the blue can.

First introduced to the American public in 1937 as “HORMEL Spiced Ham”, SPAM has survived the Great Depression, World War II, the psychedelic turbulence of the 60’s, and the hair metal bands of the 80’s.  Since then, SPAM has gone global.

SPAM Luncheon Meat has been a fixture in my diet for as long as I can remember.  SPAM with rice, in soups, the occasional salad when I’m dieting, California rolls, and whatever else I can think of at the time.  And I cannot forget my discovery of SPAM musubi while I lived in Hawaii.  Made of simply of rice, seaweed wrap, and a fried slice of SPAM, it is an ode to THE MEAT.

You may be asking yourself, “What’s with the love?”  The answer is simple:  SPAM is getting a bad reputation.  I am here to defend it.  Sure, it’s mystery meat.  Yes, there is that gelatin that coats it.  And it really has no nutritional value.  But, it has its good qualities.  It’s easy to prepare, can replace meat in any recipe, portable, and cheap.  On a college budget and the raise in tuition, how else can you survive?

Some of you know what I am talking about.  Those of you who go to the grocery store and sneak that can of SPAM into the cart, or those who cannot walk past the monument of SPAM in an Asian market without paying homage.  There is a reason why Hawaii and some Asian countries have the highest consumption of SPAM in the world.  Some even consider it a delicacy.

I can remember so many mornings, the smell of SPAM traveling into my room and awakening me from deep slumber.  I would go into the kitchen and watch my mother fry up my breakfast, and then she would send me off to school with my SPAM California roll.  SPAM is a link to my past; it is a part of me.

SPAM is also a part of your identity.  Do not deny it any longer!

I am here to beg you all to let go of your inhibitions, go against the norm, and declare your love for SPAM.  Put on your SPAM memorabilia, visit the SPAM museum in Austin, Minn., learn the history at SPAM.com, join the fan club, walk down the sidewalk carrying SPAM on a fork, or simply open a can, fry up a few slices, and enjoy your delicious meal.  Whatever you do, do it true to SPAM.

In conclusion, quoting the great and fantastic band Save Ferris, “Forget your O-S-C-A-R. There’s one meat by-product that’s best by far.  It’s S-P-A-M!”

My Twitter feed has been peppered with many references to last week’s incident involving a flotilla. Admittedly, I do not know much about all that has been said about the incident since my eyes have been (mostly) glued to my Bar Review books.  From what I’ve read, though, at least nine people were killed, the United Nations has already called for an independent inquiry & its Human Rights Council has condemned it, and there have been many protests against and in support of Israel’s actions. Is that a good summary?

My only question is: where the hell is the outrage over the sinking of a South Korean navy corvette* which killed 46 soldiers?  South Korea and the United States has already announced that the attack probably came from North Korea.  Probably. We don’t know for sure.  Why? Because no one wants to piss off North Korea.

South Korea had to send a letter to the U.N. Security Council, petitioning that they do something.  The country that was attacked had to ask the United Nations to do something. After a MONTH!  It took the U.N. how long to respond to Israel’s actions?  Less than a week.

I guess what gripes me about this situation is that South Korea remains at war with North Korea.  You would think if anything got the attention of the UN Security Council, it would be an act of aggression by a war party against its rival.  But no. They can’t be bothered.  Rather, they’re dealing with a situation where activists set sail for a place with a blockade on it, armed with weapons, and got into a fight.

We all jump on Israel’s back for what happened, while North Korea (the zit of East Asia) gets to imprison people for 12 years for crossing over the border requiring a former President to come and get those prisoners, who threaten to test nuclear weapons (that hopefully they don’t have), who puts people in concentration camps for having different political views, manned by a guy who kidnaps people so they can make him movies & spends more money on booze than feeding the people under his command,  essentially act like a baby whenever it wants something, AND gets to sink ships & kill people.

Yeah.

I know better than to hold my breath for the proper outrage.

* Edited. Original draft said a South Korean submarine was hit; it was a corvette.  It’s said that a North Korean submarine was the culprit.  h/t Akin.

Yesterday, I posted a lesson on the First Amendment.  It seems that the Mexican American students and their supporters took the advice of adding speech on top of more speech to heart.  On Thursday, 200 students walked out of the classrooms of Live Oak High School and marched to the school district headquarters.

All I can say is: Go you!

Aren’t you happy that the First Amendment (kinda*) allows you to do that?!

& – - // – -

One thing bugs me about the news article and what it reported about the motives about the marchers:

“The students say they want people to know they’re proud of their heritage and they believe wearing red, white and blue on Cinco de Mayo is disrespectful.”

I get how wearing red, white, and blue could be construed as disrespectful.  But, the school district cannot force people to change just because it’s disrespectful.  If that was true, I’d petition the school districts to ban Spandex from being worn. (Spandex-wearers are disrespecting my vision!  But I digress.)

I applaud you for how you’re trying to get respect, though.  You’re marching, you’re using the First Amendment for good.  You get many props for that.  There’s honor in the way you chose to get your message out.  My only message to you would be: allow others to do the same.

* What’s with the “kinda”?  Again, Tinker allows school officials to limit free speech if that speech disrupts school operations.  Walking out of the classroom (and essentially skipping class) is a major disruption – more so than a “fight”.  The school officials could punish these kids for their walk-out without violating the First Amendment.  Furthermore, each of those students could be detained by a police officer for skipping school, since they are breaking the compulsory education laws of California.  But, given the state of things surrounding this entire controversy, I doubt any of these students will be punished.

Really think about that.  Now, compare that to the shirts.   Regardless of what you may think about wearing the American flag on Cinco de Mayo, what happened to the Live Oak Five was just wrong.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof[.]“

It’s First Amendment Day. Not only because of the fall-out from the Live Oak Five, but because today is the “National Day of Prayer”.   All we need now is government censoring of the press …

The National Day of Prayer is established by statute:

The President shall issue each year a proclamation designating the first Thursday in May as a National Day of Prayer on which the people of the United States may turn to God in prayer and meditation at churches, in groups, and as individuals. 36 U.S.C. § 199.

In my opinion, this statute does not pass the Lemon Establishment Clause test (Prong 1: “The statute must have a secular legislative purpose”).  This is not to say that the government is establishing a religion.  At most, this statute assumes there is an underlying belief in “God” (or other supernatural deity) who people “turn to in prayer”.

From my perspective of the world, belief in God does not equal a religion.  Yes, belief in God is a fundamental belief in many religions, but it’s not religion in and of itself.  (If it were, why haven’t the world’s religions merged already?)  I can believe that God exists and has brothers and sisters that are in charge of their own universes.  Is that belief a religion?  Religion, to me, is more than that.

But I understand that there are those in the world who do equate the acknowledgment that God exists as being religious, thus, the government should have nothing to say on the matter.

It’s been a constant struggle between two sets of people:  those advocating for complete separation of church and state and those who don’t mind religion being mentioned, as long as one religion isn’t favored over the other.  From the cases I’ve read regarding the Establishment Clause, it really is a toss-up on who wins on a certain issue.

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On May 5, 2010, five students were asked to either change their attire or go home.  These students had the audacity to wear the American flag on Cinco de Mayo.

On any other day at Live Oak High School in Morgan Hill, Daniel Galli and his four friends would not even be noticed for wearing T-shirts with the American flag. But Cinco de Mayo is not any typical day especially on a campus with a large Mexican American student population.

Galli says he and his friends were sitting at a table during brunch break when the vice principal asked two of the boys to remove American flag bandannas that they wearing on their heads and for the others to turn their American flag T-shirts inside out. When they refused, the boys were ordered to go to the principal’s office.

“They said we could wear it on any other day,” Daniel Galli said, “but today is sensitive to Mexican-Americans because it’s supposed to be their holiday so we were not allowed to wear it today.”

The vice principal said the image of the America flag could be incendiary; some students were offended.  On any other day, it would be incendiary.  On any other day, students would not be offended.  On any other day, the five teens would have failed to garner attention.  But, the actions of the vice principal catapulted these students into the national spotlight.  Now it’s the First Amendment versus Respect of Other Cultures.

“Students do not shed their constitutional rights to freedom of speech or expression at the schoolhouse gate.” | Tinker v. Des Moines

The Tinker case is akin to what happened to the Live Oak Five.  Instead of American flags, the students wore black armbands in protest to the Viet Nam War.  Not knowing the motivation behind the students’ decisions to wear the American flag on Cinco de Mayo, it is still safe to say that wearing the flag, in general, is speech meant to impart patriotism.

Going by Tinker, school officials must reasonably foresee that the speech would  cause a “substantial disruption” or “material interference” with school activities or would “invade the rights of others” before censoring.   This is why the vice principal said the American flag shirts were incendiary.  The vice principal only wanted to avoid a fight.  The vice principal only wanted to protect those students who were offended.

Obviously, the vice principal is failing at teaching children the basic lessons of living in the United States.  Here’s the lesson: there is no right to be not offended.  We cannot protect children from everything that may hurt their feelings.  That is not the way the world works.  Teach children that they will be offended, then teach children how to deal with it.  Teach children that instead of literally fighting the offense, they should add more speech on top of it – drown it out.  That’s the beauty of free speech.

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