A(nother) Beginning

au•gust

noun, the eighth month of the year

adjective, respected and impressive

It is not surprising that the month of my birth is a time of reflection. I have many more regrets than I care to admit and I’m sure many more accomplishments that I brush off too quickly. And this year, I find myself having difficulty putting my thoughts into words. Or maybe it is more that I am hesitant… because writing it makes it real and hard to avoid.

Turning 30 went good for me. Turning 31, not so much. Still working on how I’m handling turning 32.

Part of me still feels like I’m pretending to be an adult, just waiting for someone to call me out. Another part of me sees the age, slowing realizing that I can’t really make up for not being “young” enough when I had the chance. I can spend hours listing my regrets over the past few years. But as I titled this post, this is more about a beginning.

This year will be about making more good choices than bad, about making more of an effort to take care of me (finally). About growing up but staying young at heart. To be a little bit more fearless and open.

Because, August.

 

 

Farewell and Godspeed

 

My grandmother’s final song, at her request:

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried.
I’ve had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say – not in a shy way,
” Oh no, oh no not me,
I did it my way”